The Secret to Creating Lasting Change
Last week we talked about avoiding self sabotage. I want to dive into this topic a little more deeply this week.
We are all trying to grow and improve ourselves. Improve health habits, relationships, finances, etc.
Sometimes the change is easy and long lasting. Most of the time it’s not.
Why is it so hard to change? Because there’s a part of us that doesn’t want to change.
What?! You might argue – but I really want to be more healthy, or have a better relationship, or whatever. And that is true – but not entirely.
Part of you wants to change but part of you doesn’t want to change.
The thing is the part that doesn’t want to change is under the radar – in your unconscious. And to be honest – in a conflict between the conscious and the unconscious – the unconscious usually wins.
The hardest part of this struggle between the conscious part that wants to change and the unconscious part that keeps sabotaging our efforts – is that we often aren’t aware of the unconscious part (hence the term unconscious :-))
Here’s an example: Let’s say you decide to stop eating sugar. A noble and health promoting choice. You recognize how important it is. You’re really motivated – especially because let’s say that diabetes runs in your family.
You start your crusade with tons of motivation. And you avoid sugar for a day or two. Or three.
That’s commendable.
But then you have a stressful day. A run-in with the boss. Or some corona related stress. Or you come home and your house is a wreck.
You’re understandably frustrated, or angry or scared. None of these are feel-good emotions. You unconsciously choose to avoid these feelings at all costs. So you reach for something sweet.
Ah. The sweetness feels so good. Sugary foods can calm your nervous system in the short term, even though long term they can wreak havoc. Simple carbohydrates tend to boost serotonin – the happy neurotransmitter – which is why once we start eating sweets it’s hard to stop. And when we stop – it doesn’t feel so good.
So you sabotaged your plan. You broke your resolution – maybe you’re even disappointed in yourself.
But in the meantime – part of you is feeling successful. It has protected you from your negative emotion – be it frustration, fear or something else. The self sabotage, in a strange way, way somehow helpful.
The truth is self sabotage is simply misguided self love.
Once we understand this we can be kinder to and more forgiving of ourselves. It’s not that we can’t stick to a new plan – it’s that for some reason the plan is posing a threat to us in some way.
We just need to identify the self sabotage for what it is, acknowledge the help that the unconscious is trying to provide, and essentially reprogram the unconscious to stop the self sabotage.
There are many ways to do this – as you know my favorite is EFT. You can read more about it here.
You can use EFT in many areas of your life. It works really well to help you create a new habit, stop procrastinating or, make a change.
EFT is amazing at helping us stop the self sabotage related to weight loss. It helps uncover and eliminate the emotions that drive us to make poor choices in varied aspects of our lives – including food.
In the spirit of the new year I am collaborating on a new weight loss program. One that combines sound nutritional advice with the benefits of EFT/tapping to eliminate self sabotage and get to the root of the problem.
If you or anyone else you care about is struggling with weight loss – check out a description of the program here.
So here’s to your successful growth and improvement this year. Hopefully it will be seamless. But if you get derailed – be kind to yourself and remember:
Self sabotage is simply misguided self love.
