It isn’t easy to change feelings. We all know that.
The question is why?
One reason might be that feelings seem to be outside of our control. We can’t really change how we feel about something. We either like it or we don’t. This makes us angry and that makes us sad. While we aim to be masters of our actions and choices, we can’t seem to choose how we feel.
The problem is – emotions give rise to actions and if we have negative feelings but don’t want to act negatively we end up in an internal struggle.
The key to positivity and joy may lie in tackling the root of the negativity – and dealing with our emotions. The question is how.
The first tactic to move past a negative emotion is to simply notice and accept it. This tactic comes from the meditation tradition.
Emotions are always well in motion – so we know they aren’t forever. We are constantly moving from one feeling to the next.
So when you encounter a negative emotion you can just notice it – even making a mental note like – I’m feeling sad, angry, scared or whatever. Take a few deep breaths. And allow it to pass.
The next technique is more cognitive and encourages you to engage with the emotion and more importantly with the thought that triggered the emotion. Because feelings aren’t random. There is something deeper that is triggering the feeling. So in order to work with the feeling it’s important for you to work with the thought that brings about the feeling.
There are many ways to do this. One way is to utilize Byron Katie’s The Work. She outlines 4 specific questions that you can ask yourself about any thought that is causing us pain. Her process guides you in examining your thoughts and helps you shift them. Once you can release the thought your emotional response immediately changes.
It’s a simple process, but not always an easy one.
For more information about The Work and to download a worksheet and work through the process click here.
The final technique in working through emotions is to transform them.
This is hands down my favorite technique, and you probably already guessed what it is :-).
EFT (tapping).
While it is true that thoughts give rise to feelings, there is something even deeper than thoughts that actually drives your thoughts and feelings. That is your unconscious.
The problem is – we don’t have direct access to our unconscious because – well it’s unconscious. However your unconscious is what controls the bulk of your thoughts, actions and choices.
While we all act in this world and believe that we are free to choose what we want, it turns out that we aren’t as free as we think. Because our choices are dictated by the unspoken desires and beliefs that have been ingrained in our unconscious.
In fact Gary Craig, the founder of EFT named the technique Emotional Freedom Technique because he believed that tapping could help us release our unconscious baggage and the control that it has over our minds and hearts. This release allows us to be truly free – to have freedom from the tyranny of our seemingly random and uncontrollable feelings.
EFT gives you the freedom to actually choose how you want to express yourself in this world – without being held back by the invisible chains of your unconscious.
So to summarize, here are three techniques for moving past negative emotions:
- Just notice them, breathe, and allow them to shift
- Engage with thoughts that trigger them (The Work)
- Transform them through tapping
Wishing you a wonderful chag! May you move from bondage to freedom in whatever way is right for you!
